Take the Vow to Get Old Without Getting Gross

I suppose this is just fantasy, too, but we’ve got to at least TRY! I mean, isn’t taking care of elderly and infirm relatives teaching you anything? C’mon, people! Give a thought to your family and caregivers! Now, then. Repeat after me:

1. I will NOT refuse to have my hair washed even though I’ve gotten along fine for two months and become eco-system for fleas, lice, ticks, ants, and spiders.

2. I WILL choose to be cheerful. Raging against everyone and everything because I’ve gotten old won’t change anything. Plus it wastes precious energy.

3. I WILL accept that other things exist in the world beside my stupid aches and pains. In fact, listening to the news and/or taking an interest in others can actually distract me from them.

4. I will NOT refuse basic hygiene even though I may have figured out by then why crabby old folks hate being clean.

5. I WILL change my hearing aid batteries regularly.

6. I will NOT regale all and sundry with my bowel activities. Ditto the arthritis. And my latest surgery.

7. I will NOT make every statement a complaint.

8. I WILL thank people for their efforts, even if I must (politely) pass on the Cajun crawfish with fire sauce they have prepared for me.

9. I WILL acknowledge that certain aches and limitations come with age and stop running to doctors and taking a gazillion pills trying to be “normal” again. Notice that half the meds are to correct the side effects of the other half.

10. I WILL cultivate a pleasant disposition so it’ll be habit by the time my mind goes. I WILL be like my 102-year-old Aunt Vivian who’s a joy to be around even though she constantly repeats herself.

11. Lastly, I will NOT keep griping that I don’t care about anything and just want to die. An exasperated great-grandkid just might ruin his life accommodating me!